Reddish Musings

All right, so, I have something slightly embarrassing to admit:

I don't like taking showers.

I've never liked taking baths or showers.  Even as a kid, I remember it always being something of a struggle to convince me to get clean.  The problem is not that I enjoy being dirty.  No, the problem is now, and I suspect it was then, that showering has always seemed utterly pointless.

My first point: Showering is unproductive.  What can you really DO in the shower?  You can sing, I guess, but Oscar Wilde would argue that, since music is a form of art, that is useless.  You can brainstorm, MAYBE.  But unless you have some kind of magic writing device that functions in water-based environments, you won't really be able to retain many of your ideas.  I guess you could hold a debate, if you had someone willing to stand in the bathroom and argue with you while you lather up.  But overall, nothing really gets done.

Some people get a therapeutic use out of showering, but I just don't.  I can count on one hand the amount of times I've gotten home at the end of the day and looked forward to hopping in the bath, and enjoyed my time under the spray.  So, for some, I guess, there is a use, but it still feels entirely pointless.

"But Red," you might say, "isn't getting clean productive? Isn't shaving and shampooing and washing an end result?"

Maybe.  But it's not a very good result, because... and here's my second point:  Showering does not fix the problem it intends to fix. Sure, it might get you clean for a second.  But, living in Texas, I know firsthand that sometimes I start sweating and feeling gross again before I am even out of the shower at all. And maybe your cleanliness lasts for a few hours, but before you know it, you've gone outside.  You've produced sweat, your hair has gotten oily, your legs have gotten prickly, and the next day you're back where you started.  It's maddening to me.

I just can't really get behind it.  However, society demands that I not stink, and I understand that request, I just wish showering didn't feel like such a time sink.  It feels like a chore, not something I enjoy.  And the older you get, the more stuff you have to do while you're in there!  As a kid, it was basically: Soap up, wash off, get out.  Then it was: Soap up, shampoo up, rinse off, get out.

Now?  The ritual goes: Shampoo hair, rinse out, wash face with daily pore cleansing lather**, rinse off, condition  hair***, rinse out, soap up with scent-free dove soap because my skin is terribly allergic to everything, rinse off, shave armpits, shave legs, tend to lady bits, rinse everything off, dry off, apply lotion, apply powder...

And I'm sure with this list I am not even doing half of the things a Modern Lady is expected to do.  Because I don't care about all of that. All of this is JUST to maintain the absolute minimum amount of health and cleanliness I can bear.

** Face Wash Sidenote:  I used to have perfect skin.  I'd get a pimple every now and then when I put my face in my hands too much, but I never experienced this "acne" thing, and barely had a greasy face or head at all.  Then I got the Mirena IUD.  Sure, 5 years of not worrying about spawning SexFruit is great, but if I still had insurance I would contemplate getting it removed simply because of what it has done to my HEAD.

My hair gets greasy within hours of showering.  It used to be bouncy and full of wave, and now it's often flat at the top due to the oiliness that I can't seem to get rid of.  And my face.  Ugh, my face.  I feel like I need to wash it every hour on the hour.  I can feel it now. I can feel my face getting oily and it just won't stop and aa;sdfja;slkfj aaaaaugh.  There's gotta be something I can do. Maybe a hormone balancing act? I don't know, but it's driving me nuts.  Anyway.

*** Conditioning Sidenote: I HATE CONDITIONER.  When possible, I buy shampoo/conditioner combinations, because I detest the feeling of conditioner in my hair.  I was raised to wash the feeling of soapiness completely off of me, and conditioner never really leaves your hair.  That's the point of it.  I understand that logically, but some minor obsessive-compulsive aspect of me goes berserk when I can still feel it.


*deep breaths*


Anyway.  Showering.  It's my least favorite chore, one that I am making myself pay attention to and do daily, because that's what adults do.  It's always the last thing I want to do during a day, which is the real reason I normally take them at night.

It's just not fair that everything else in my life can get washed while I attend to other things (dishes, laundry, etc.), but I can't just hop in a cleansing suit and get on with my life while it goes through a cleaning cycle?

Come on, Science. Catch up!