Reddish Musings

I went to have my lady exam yesterday. It's only the second one I've ever had, but it comes at a time where I've been getting increasingly more pain with each cycle, so I was hopeful that something could be diagnosed and done about it, to make it stop, so I can live without the ouchies.

So, the doctor told me there were a couple of options as far as causes went. One was that my uterus might be tilted the wrong direction, causing some extra pain, or it was endometriosis. Yay.

Upon doing the exam, he informed me that, yes, in fact my uterus is tipped. What we didn't go over after the exam was whether endometriosis was still on the table as a cause of pain, or if the tipping was the sole cause and that it couldn't be endo by that point. Unfortunately, it can be a chicken-egg situation, I've found doing my own research. So I'm on the fence. The general idea I got from it was that it might be likely (my mother had it, after all), but that we would try a lower-dose birth control pill with some prescription Motrin, and see if it helps with my pain before trying to do a complicated endometriosis diagnosis.

Having a tipped uterus I can sort of deal with. I guess. It seems that the main symptoms of it are painful periods (dysmenorrhea) and painful intercourse. It's sort of...

I feel sad, for some reason. I guess I was hoping I could get a cure for all of my pain at the doctor's, but now I've come to find out that it's my anatomy working against me, and that, unless I go through some weird surgery, it'll always be that way.

Even more, it could make any future attempts to conceive difficult if there is endometriosis causing some of this, which I'm getting more suspicious there is, given the discussions we had and the fact that it can cause a tipped uterus.

So, yay. Everything about womanhood is screwed up for me, and could be for a very long time.

I feel defeated and like I've let somebody down. Or maybe I was let down. Either way, I wanted a cure, and instead I feel like I got a sentence. I'm not giving up all hope of a normal life. Maybe the new pills will help even things out, I don't know. I'm just tired of hurting.