Reddish Musings

I'm enrolled in a class that covers topics dealing with abuse situations - child, spouse, dating partner, whatever kind of abuse, it's going to be touched on. And yesterday, the professor gave us a task: Find a goal for yourself. Something that we can do and change in our own lives that will lessen stress and strife for others.

Because, as she noted: We can only change ourselves. It's freeing to realize that you cannot be held responsible for the actions of other people, you can only do your best to make the changes evident in yourself.

So, I decided to be more in touch with what I'm feeling and stop hiding it and defending myself from it. I have a huge problem with bottling things up, one that I fight most of the time just to make myself stay sane and content. Little things, big things, it doesn't matter. I'm tired of not admitting to myself and others that I feel lonely, that I feel frustrated, that I feel anything but "fine" sometimes.

I'm not made to handle things on my own. I'm meant to help other people deal with their problems, and in return, to let them help me with mine. It's kind of a double standard to want to help support someone else, but to demand that I support myself as well. That's not helping, that's carrying them and crucifying myself.

So that's my goal. Stop hiding from what I feel, because it'll make itself evident eventually, and I'd like control over when and how that happens.